书城文学生命是一场旅行(下)
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第10章 人生物语(3)

One Sunday, I went to the church as usual. Reverend McKinley called the children to come up for their sermon. Once they were seated in front of him, he told them all to hold out a single hand. Reaching into the pocket of his robe, he pulled out a roll of one-dollar bills and placed one in each outstretched hand. Then he reached into another pocket and pulled out a ten-dollar bill.

“You can have this,” he told the children, who were sitting attentively, clutching their one-dollar bills.“But in order to take this, you have to let go of what you already have.”He held the ten-dollar bill out at arm’s length.

It was an amusing sight. Not one of those little children was willing to let go of his one-dollar bill. Yet they were all old enough to know that ten dollars is better than one. Eventually, Reverend McKinley put his ten dollars back into his pocket.

That night in bed, as I tried to go to sleep, suddenly, the penny dropped. My eyes opened, and as I stared up in the darkness, I knew exactly what I had been doing wrong—I was clinging on with my little fist to a puny, tattered one-dollar bill! I was still so attached to my house a neighborhood. I was so accustomed to moving in the same groove, day in, day out, through each room, attached to the placement of everything like a prisoner who has come to love the familiarity of his own jail cell. And I also realized in the same moment that I wasn’t confident enough that a “ten-dollar bill” was out there for me in Seattle. I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t taste it, I couldn’t touch it. As far as I was concerned, moving out there was a leap in the dark, and I was scared of it.

However, I knew I just had to let go. Strip off the habits of many years. Make the big leap. Soon after this, the children and I moved to our new lives in Seattle.

Letting go of my “one” set me on a path that allowed me to follow a long-postponed dream of becoming a writer. It also led to a new husband, three more children and eventually three grandchildren. My “ten” includes countless blessings that I never could have imagined in my old life, but before I could have any of them, I had to open my hand and release everything I was holding on to.

Not everyone had the courage to release the one-dollar bill in hand. Fortunately, I had the courage and really did that.

我丈夫嗜酒如命,对此我容忍了许多年,最终做出了一个痛苦的决定,我和我两个年幼的孩子唯一的出路就是离开他。其实,我并不想这样做,但我必须这样做。

事实上,即便是在离婚之后,我和前夫之间的麻烦依然持续着。我意识到,除了离开这个城市,我别无选择。但一次又一次,我无法下定决心。

一个礼拜天,我和往常一样去教堂。麦金利牧师召集孩子们做祷告。当孩子们在他的面前坐好后,他让每一个孩子都伸出一只手来,然后将手伸进长袍的口袋里,掏出了一卷一元的纸币,并在每一只伸开的手中放上一张。然后,他伸进另一个口袋,掏出一张十元的钞票。

“你们也能拥有这张钞票,”他对孩子们说道,孩子们聚精会神地坐着,手中紧紧攥着一元的纸币,“但是,要想得到这个,你们必须丢掉你们已经得到的纸币。”他将十元的钞票高高举起。

这真是有趣的一幕。那些孩子中没有一个愿意丢掉他手中的一元纸币。尽管他们的年龄已经足以让他们知道,十元要远远好于一元。但让他们丢掉已经攥在手中的一元,去换取并无十足把握的十元,他们很难下这样的决心。最终,麦金利牧师将他的十元钞票又放回口袋中。

那天夜里,当我躺在床上正设法入睡的时候,一枚硬币突然掉了下来。我睁开眼睛,在黑暗中张望着,我确切地知道,我已经做错了什么——我正用我的小拳头紧紧攥着一张微不足道、破旧不堪的一元纸币!我仍然对我的房子和周围的环境恋恋不舍。我太习惯于这种生活状态了,每日进进出出每一个房间,迷恋房间里每一样东西的摆放,就像囚犯逐渐熟悉并喜欢上他自己的牢狱单间一样。并且,在潜意识里,我觉得我并不确信在西雅图一定有一张“十元钞票”在等着我。我无法看到它,品味它,触摸它。每当我想到这里,就觉得移居出去,就像在茫茫黑暗中有一条沟壑,让我不寒而栗。

但是我知道,我必须离开了。远离我多年的习惯,做一次大的跨越。告别了那张破旧的一元纸币,我和孩子们开始了在西雅图的新生活。

被抛掉的“一元纸币”让我实现了成为作家的梦想,尽管这个梦想被延误了很长时间。它同时也让我拥有了一位情投意合的新丈夫,另外的三个孩子以及随之而来的三个孙子。我的“十元”包含了我晚年生活中,我不曾想象的难以计数的福祉。但是,我清楚地知道,在我能够拥有它们中的任何一项之前,我必须张开我的手,抛掉我曾经紧紧攥着的每一样东西。

并非每一个人都有抛掉已经握在手中的“一元纸币”的勇气,庆幸的是,我有这样的勇气,并真的这样做了。

Love Cures People

爱能治愈伤痛

In August 1992, a beautiful baby girl was born to a very special couple. For the first six months of Paige’s life, she cried with colic. Her parents lovingly called her“Baby from hell?

She was a beautiful child, with big brown eyes, and you couldn’t help but fall in love with her. On her first birthday, Paige climbed up on my lap and my heart was hers forever.

In March 1995, I received a frantic phone call from Paige’s mom, telling me that Paige was diagnosed with cancer and that they were on their way to Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles.

As the days went by, the news grew more and more grim. I called everyone I knew and asked them to start a prayer chain.

Paige battled that monster first with chemotherapy, then radiation, and finally a bone marrow transplant that took place in early October 1995.

Through it all, this amazing three-year-old remained cheerful and gentle as ever. She won the hearts of doctors and nurses alike. Paige’s mom never left her aside and believed that if she just loved Paige enough, Paige would be okay.

October 31, 1995, Halloween, our Paige came home for good. We had the miracle for which we all prayed. The doctors were amazed at her quick response to her treatments, but her positive attitude amazed them even more.

I had been collecting surprises for Paige over the months she was hospitalized, waiting for the day I could watch her open the bag full of gifts.

As she opened the magical bag of surprises, Paige discovered that several of the toys were ones she already had. I suggested to her mom that she could take them back and exchange them for something she didn’s. have. I heard Paige’ soft little voice ask her mom if they could put these toys in the Christmas bin in front of one of the local stores so that other children could enjoy them. The pride on her mom’s face said it all.

At that moment, I realized the power that love has. Love cures people, both the giver and the receiver.

1992年8月,一个漂亮的女婴诞生于一个特别的家庭,她父母给她取名佩吉。佩吉出生后前六个月里,因腹绞痛而大哭不止。父母亲切地称她为“来自地狱的孩子”。

她是一个漂亮的小女孩,长着一双褐色的大眼睛,令人一见就会情不自禁地喜欢上她。在佩吉一周岁的时候,有一次,她爬到我的膝头上来,从那时开始,我的心就永远地被她占据了。

1995年3月,我接到了一个电话,电话那头是佩吉的母亲,她显得语无伦次。她慌乱地告诉我,佩吉被诊断患了癌症,他们正带着她到洛杉矶的儿童医院去就诊。

随着日子一天天过去,消息也越来越残酷。我向认识的每一个人呼吁,请他们为佩吉祈祷。

佩吉勇敢地与病魔做着殊死的斗争。先是化疗,继之放疗,最后在1995年10月上旬进行了骨髓移植手术。

令人吃惊的是,在病痛的折磨下,这个三岁的小女孩仍然像以前一样快乐温柔。 她赢得了所有医生和护士的心。佩吉的母亲从不离开她半步,她相信如果能够给予佩吉足够的爱,她的病一定会痊愈的。

1995年10月31日,正是万圣节,我们的佩吉回家调养了。大家的祈祷创造了奇迹。经过治疗后她的病情明显好转,这让医生们惊叹不已,但最令他们折服的还是她对待疾病的乐观无畏的态度。

佩吉住院的那个月,我收集了很多会令她惊喜的礼物,等待着有朝一日,能看到她亲手打开那只盛放着许多礼物的大包。

当佩吉打开那只神奇的礼物包的时候,发现许多玩具她已经有了。我建议她的母亲把那些佩吉已经有的礼物拿去换一些新的礼物。我听到佩吉声音低柔地问她的母亲,是否可以把那些玩具拿去放在当地一家商店前的圣诞橱窗里,这样其他小朋友也能看到了。佩吉的母亲露出了骄傲的微笑。

就在那一刻,我突然意识到爱的威力有多强大。爱能治愈伤痛,不仅是授予者的,也包括接纳者的。