From my own Apartment,November 16.
There are several persons who have many pleasures and entertainments in their possession,which they do not enjoy.It is,therefore,a kind and good office to acquaint them with their own happiness,and turn their attention to such instances of their good fortune which they are apt to overlook.Persons in the married state often want such a monitor;and pine away their days,by looking upon the same condition in anguish and murmur,which carries with it in the opinion of others a complication of all the pleasures of life,and a retreat from its inquietudes.
I am led into this thought by a visit I made an old friend,who was formerly my school-fellow.He came to town last week with his family for the winter,and yesterday morning sent me word his wife expected me to dinner.I am,as it were,at home at that house,and every member of it knows me for their well-wisher.I cannot,indeed,express the pleasure it is to be met by the children with so much joy as I am when I go thither.The boys and girls strive who shall come first when they think it is I that am knocking at the door;and that child which loses the race to me runs back again to tell the father it is Mr.Bickerstaff.This day I was led in by a pretty girl,that we all thought must have forgot me,for the family has been out of town these two years.Her knowing me again was a mighty subject with us,and took up our discourse at the first entrance.After which they began to rally me upon a thousand little stories they heard in the country about my marriage to one of my neighbour's daughters.Upon which the gentleman,my friend,said,"Nay,if Mr.Bickerstaff marries a child of any of his old companions,I hope mine shall have the preference:there is Mrs.Mary is now sixteen,and would make him as fine a widow as the best of them.But I know him too well;he is so enamoured with the very memory of those who flourished in our youth,that he will not so much as look upon the modern beauties.I remember,old gentleman,how often you went home in a day to refresh your countenance and dress,when Teraminta reigned in your heart.As we came up in the coach,I repeated to my wife some of your verses on her."With such reflections on little passages,which happened long ago,we passed our time,during a cheerful and elegant meal.After dinner his lady left the room,as did also the children.As soon as we were alone,he took me by the hand;"Well,my good friend,"says he,"I am heartily glad to see thee:I was afraid you would never have seen all the company that dined with you to-day again.Do not you think the good woman of the house a little altered,since you followed her from the play-house,to find out who she was for me?"I perceived a tear fall down his cheek as he spoke,which moved me not a little.
But,to turn the discourse,said I,"She is not indeed quite that creature she was,when she returned me the letter I carried from you:and told me 'she hoped,as I was a gentleman,I would be employed no more to trouble her,who had never offended me;but would be so much the gentleman's friend as to dissuade him from a pursuit which he could never succeed in.'You may remember I thought her in earnest,and you were forced to employ your cousin Will,who made his sister get acquainted with her for you.You cannot expect her to be for ever fifteen.""Fifteen!"replied my good friend;"ah!you little understand,you that have lived a bachelor,how great,how exquisite a pleasure there is,in being really beloved!It is impossible,that the most beauteous face in nature should raise in me such pleasing ideas,as when I look upon that excellent woman.That fading in her countenance is chiefly caused by her watching with me,in my fever.This was followed by a fit of sickness,which had like to have carried her off last winter.
I tell you sincerely,I have so many obligations to her,that I cannot,with any sort of moderation,think of her present state of health.But as to what you say of fifteen,she gives me every day pleasures beyond what I ever knew in the possession of her beauty,when I was in the vigour of youth.Every moment of her life brings me fresh instances of her complacency to my inclinations,and her prudence in regard to my fortune.Her face is to me much more beautiful than when I first saw it;there is no decay in any feature,which I cannot trace from the very instant it was occasioned by some anxious concern for my welfare and interests.
Thus,at the same time,methinks,the love I conceived towards her for what she was,is heightened by my gratitude for what she is.