"I can bear no discourse,if you are not the subject;and believe me,I know more of love than you do of astronomy.
"Pray,say some civil things in return to my generosity,and you shall have my very best pen employed to thank you,and I will confirm it.
"I am your admirer,"MARIA."
There is something wonderfully pleasing in the favour of women;and this letter has put me in so good a humour,that nothing could displease me since I received it.My boy breaks glasses and pipes,and instead of giving him a knock on the pate,as my way is,for Ihate scolding at servants,I only say,"Ah,Jack!thou hast a head,and so has a pin,"or some such merry expression.But,alas!how am I mortified when he is putting on my fourth pair of stockings on these poor spindles of mine!"The fair one understands love better than I astronomy!"I am sure,without the help of that art,this poor meagre trunk of mine is a very ill habitation for love.She is pleased to speak civilly of my sense,but Ingenium male habitat is an invincible difficulty in cases of this nature.I had always,indeed,from a passion to please the eyes of the fair,a great pleasure in dress.Add to this,that I have writ songs since I was sixty,and have lived with all the circumspection of an old beau as I am.But my friend Horace has very well said:"Every year takes something from us;"and instructed me to form my pursuits and desires according to the stage of my life;therefore,I have no more to value myself upon,than that,I can converse with young people without peevishness,or wishing myself a moment younger.For which reason,when I am amongst them,I rather moderate than interrupt their diversions.But though I have this complacency,I must not pretend to write to a lady civil things,as Maria desires.Time was,when I could have told her,"I had received a letter from her fair hands;and that,if this paper trembled as she read it,it then best expressed its author,"or some other gay conceit.Though I never saw her,I could have told her,"that good sense and good-humour smiled in her eyes;that constancy and good-nature dwelt in her heart;that beauty and good-breeding appeared in all her actions."When I was five-and-twenty,upon sight of one syllable,even wrong spelt,by a lady I never saw,I could tell her,"that her height was that which was fit for inviting our approach,and commanding our respect;that a smile sat on her lips,which prefaced her expressions before she uttered them,and her aspect prevented her speech.All she could say,though she had an infinite deal of wit,was but a repetition of what was expressed by her form;her form!which struck her beholders with ideas more moving and forcible than ever were inspired by music,painting,or eloquence."At this rate I panted in those days;but ah!sixty-three!I am very sorry Ican only return the agreeable Maria a passion expressed rather from the head than the heart.
"DEAR MADAM,"You have already seen the best of me,and I so passionately love you that I desire we may never meet.If you will examine your heart,you will find that you join the man with the philosopher;and if you have that kind opinion of my sense as you pretend,I question not but you add to it complexion,air,and shape;but,dear Molly,a man in his grand climacteric is of no sex.Be a good girl,and conduct yourself with honour and virtue,when you love one younger than myself.I am,with the greatest tenderness,your innocent lover,I.B."