And leave you to the hearing of the cause;Hoping you'll find good cause to whip them all. ESCALUS I think no less. Good morrow to your lordship.
Exit ANGELO
Now, sir, come on: what was done to Elbow's wife, once more? POMPEY Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once. ELBOW I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife. POMPEY I beseech your honour, ask me. ESCALUS Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her? POMPEY I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman's face.
Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; 'tis for a good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face? ESCALUS Ay, sir, very well. POMPEY Nay; I beseech you, mark it well. ESCALUS Well, I do so. POMPEY Doth your honour see any harm in his face? ESCALUS Why, no. POMPEY I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the constable's wife any harm? I would know that of your honour. ESCALUS He's in the right. Constable, what say you to it? ELBOW First, an it like you, the house is a respected house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his mistress is a respected woman. POMPEY By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected person than any of us all. ELBOW Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! the time has yet to come that she was ever respected with man, woman, or child. POMPEY Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her. ESCALUS Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity?
Is this true? ELBOW O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she with me, let not your worship think me the poor duke's officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or I'll have mine action of battery on thee. ESCALUS If he took you a box o' the ear, you might have your action of slander too. ELBOW Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is't your worship's pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff? ESCALUS Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him continue in his courses till thou knowest what they are. ELBOW Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thou wicked varlet, now, what's come upon thee: thou art to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue. ESCALUS Where were you born, friend? FROTH Here in Vienna, sir. ESCALUS Are you of fourscore pounds a year? FROTH Yes, an't please you, sir. ESCALUS So. What trade are you of, sir? POMPHEY Tapster; a poor widow's tapster. ESCALUS Your mistress' name? POMPHEY Mistress Overdone. ESCALUS Hath she had any more than one husband? POMPEY Nine, sir; Overdone by the last. ESCALUS Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth.
Master Froth, I would not have you acquainted with tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no more of you. FROTH I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn in. ESCALUS Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.
Exit FROTH
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What's your name, Master tapster? POMPEY Pompey. ESCALUS What else? POMPEY Bum, sir. ESCALUS Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you;so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey, howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you. POMPEY Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live. ESCALUS How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? What do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade? POMPEY If the law would allow it, sir. ESCALUS But the law will not allow it, Pompey;nor it shall not be allowed in Vienna. POMPEY Does your worship mean to geld and splay all the youth of the city? ESCALUS No, Pompey. POMPEY Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to't then.
If your worship will take order for the drabs and the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds. ESCALUS There are pretty orders beginning, I
can tell you:
it is but heading and hanging. POMPEY If you head and hang all that offend that way but for ten year together, you'll be glad to give out a commission for more heads: if this law hold in Vienna ten year, I'll rent the fairest house in it after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this come to pass, say Pompey told you so. ESCALUS Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of your prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;no, not for dwelling where you do: if I do, Pompey, I shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd Caesar to you; in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall have you whipt: so, for this time, Pompey, fare you well. POMPEY I thank your worship for your good counsel:
Aside but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall better determine.
Whip me? No, no; let carman whip his jade:
The valiant heart is not whipt out of his trade.
Exit ESCALUS Come hither to me, Master Elbow; come hither, Master constable. How long have you been in this place of constable? ELBOW Seven year and a half, sir. ESCALUS I thought, by your readiness in the office, you had continued in it some time. You say, seven years together? ELBOW And a half, sir. ESCALUS Alas, it hath been great pains to you.
They do you wrong to put you so oft upon 't: are there not men in your ward sufficient to serve it? ELBOW Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters:
as they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them;I do it for some piece of money, and go through with all. ESCALUS Look you bring me in the names of some six or seven, the most sufficient of your parish. ELBOW To your worship's house, sir? ESCALUS To my house. Fare you well.
Exit ELBOW
What's o'clock, think you? Justice Eleven, sir. ESCALUS I pray you home to dinner with me. Justice I humbly thank you. ESCALUS It grieves me for the death of Claudio;But there's no remedy. Justice Lord Angelo is severe. ESCALUS It is but needful:
Mercy is not itself, that oft looks so;Pardon is still the nurse of second woe:
But yet,--poor Claudio! There is no remedy.
Come, sir.