A Street. Enter LUCIO and two Gentlemen LUCIO If the duke with the other dukes come not to composition with the King of Hungary, why then all the dukes fall upon the king. First Gentleman Heaven grant us its peace, but not the King of Hungary's! Second Gentleman Amen. LUCIO Thou concludest like the sanctimonious pirate, that went to sea with the Ten Commandments, but scraped one out of the table. Second Gentleman 'Thou shalt not steal'? LUCIO Ay, that he razed. First Gentleman Why, 'twas a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions: they put forth to steal. There's not a soldier of us all, that, in the thanksgiving before meat, do relish the petition well that prays for peace. Second Gentleman I never heard any soldier dislike it. LUCIO I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where grace was said. Second Gentleman No? a dozen times at least. First Gentleman What, in metre? LUCIO In any proportion or in any language. First Gentleman I think, or in any religion. LUCIO Ay, why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy: as, for example, thou thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace. First Gentleman Well, there went but a pair of shears between us. LUCIO I grant; as there may between the lists and the velvet. Thou art the list. First Gentleman And thou the velvet: thou art good velvet; thou'rt a three-piled piece, I warrant thee: I had as lief be a list of an English kersey as be piled, as thou art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak feelingly now? LUCIO I think thou dost; and, indeed, with most painful feeling of thy speech: I will, out of thine own confession, learn to begin thy health; but, whilst I live, forget to drink after thee. First Gentleman I think I have done myself wrong, have I not? Second Gentleman Yes, that thou hast, whether thou art tainted or free. LUCIO Behold, behold. where Madam Mitigation comes! I have purchased as many diseases under her roof as come to-- Second Gentleman To what, I pray? LUCIO Judge. Second Gentleman To three thousand dolours a year. First Gentleman Ay, and more. LUCIO A French crown more. First Gentleman Thou art always figuring diseases in me; but thou art full of error; I am sound. LUCIO Nay, not as one would say, healthy; but so sound as things that are hollow: thy bones are hollow; impiety has made a feast of thee.
Enter MISTRESS OVERDONE First Gentleman How now! which of your hips has the most profound sciatica? MISTRESS OVERDONE Well, well; there's one yonder arrested and carried to prison was worth five thousand of you all. Second Gentleman Who's that, I pray thee? MISTRESS OVERDONE Marry, sir, that's Claudio, Signior Claudio. First Gentleman Claudio to prison? 'tis not so. MISTRESS OVERDONE Nay, but I know 'tis so: I saw him arrested, saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head to be chopped off. LUCIO But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so.
Art thou sure of this? MISTRESS OVERDONE I am too sure of it: and it is for getting Madam Julietta with child. LUCIO Believe me, this may be: he promised to meet me two hours since, and he was ever precise in promise-keeping. Second Gentleman Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose. First Gentleman But, most of all, agreeing with the proclamation. LUCIO Away! let's go learn the truth of it.
Exeunt LUCIO and Gentlemen MISTRESS OVERDONE Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the gallows and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk.
Enter POMPEY
How now! what's the news with you? POMPEY Yonder man is carried to prison. MISTRESS OVERDONE Well; what has he done? POMPEY A woman. MISTRESS OVERDONE But what's his offence? POMPEY Groping for trouts in a peculiar river. MISTRESS OVERDONE What, is there a maid with child by him? POMPEY No, but there's a woman with maid by him.