An air,a tone of voice,a composure of countenance to mildness and softness,which are all easily acquired,do the business:and without further examination,and possibly with the contrary qualities,that man is reckoned the gentlest,the modestest,and the best-natured ,man alive.Happy the man,who,with a certain fund of parts and knowledge,gets acquainted with the world early enough to make it his bubble,at an age when most people are the bubbles of the world!for that is the common case of youth.They grow wiser when it is too late;and,ashamed and vexed at having been bubbles so long,too often turn knaves at last.Do not therefore trust to appearances and outside yourself,but pay other people with them;because you may be sure that nine in ten of mankind do,and ever will trust to them.This is by no means a criminal or blamable simulation,if not used with an ill intention.I am by no means blamable in desiring to have other people's good word,good-will,and affection,if I do not mean to abuse them.Your heart,I know,is good,your sense is sound,and your knowledge extensive.What then remains for you to do?
Nothing,but to adorn those fundamental qualifications,with such engaging and captivating manners,softness,and gentleness,as will endear you to those who are able to judge of your real merit,and which always stand in the stead of merit with those who are not.I do not mean by this to recommend to you 'le fade doucereux',the insipid softness of a gentle fool;no,assert your own opinion,oppose other people's when wrong;but let your manner,your air,your terms,and your tone of voice,be soft and gentle,and that easily and naturally,not affectedly.Use palliatives when you contradict;such as I MAY BE MISTAKEN,I AM NOTSURE,BUT I BELIEVE,I SHOULD RATHER THINK,etc.Finish any argument or dispute with some little good-humored pleasantry,to show that you are neither hurt yourself,nor meant to hurt your antagonist;for an argument,kept up a good while,often occasions a temporary alienation on each side.Pray observe particularly,in those French people who are distinguished by that character,'cette douceur de moeurs et de manieres',which they talk of so much,and value so justly;see in what it consists;in mere trifles,and most easy to be acquired,where the heart is really good.Imitate,copy it,till it becomes habitual and easy to you.Without a compliment to you,I take it to be the only thing you now want:nothing will sooner give it you than a real passion,or,at least,'un gout vif',for some woman of fashion;and,as I suppose that you have either the one or the other by this time,you are consequently in the best school.Besides this,if you were to say to Lady Hervey,Madame Monconseil,or such others as you look upon to be your friends,It is said that I have a kind of manner which is rather too decisive and too peremptory;it is not,however,my intention that it should be so;Ientreat you to correct,and even publicly to punish me whenever I am guilty.Do not treat me with the least indulgence,but criticise to the utmost.So clear-sighted a judge as you has a right to be severe;and Ipromise you that the criminal will endeavor to correct himself.
Yesterday I had two of your acquaintances to dine with me,Baron B.and his companion Monsieur S.I cannot say of the former,'qu'il est paitri de graces';and I would rather advise him to go and settle quietly at home,than to think of improving himself by further travels.'Ce n'est pas le bois don't on en fait'.His companion is much better,though he has a strong 'tocco di tedesco'.They both spoke well of you,and so far I liked them both.How go you on with the amiable little Blot?Does she listen to your Battering tale?Are you numbered among the list of her admirers?Is Madame------your Madame de Lursay?Does she sometimes knot,and are you her Meilcour?They say she has softness,sense,and engaging manners;in such an apprenticeship much may be learned.--[This whole passage,and several others,allude to Crebillon's 'Egaremens du Coeur et de l'Esprit',a sentimental novel written about that time,and then much in vogue at Paris.
A woman like her,who has always pleased,and often been pleased,can best teach the art of pleasing;that art,without which,'ogni fatica vana'.Marcel's lectures are no small part of that art:they are the engaging forerunner of all other accomplishments.Dress is also an article not to be neglected,and I hope you do not neglect it;it helps in the 'premier abord',which is often decisive.By dress,I mean your clothes being well made,fitting you,in the fashion and not above it;your hair well done,and a general cleanliness and spruceness in your person.I hope you take infinite care of your teeth;the consequences of neglecting the mouth are serious,not only to one's self,but to others.
In short,my dear child,neglect nothing;a little more will complete the whole.Adieu.I have not heard from you these three weeks,which Ithink a great while.