"There is an anecdote precisely on our subject, or rather a legend, not an anecdote.You reproach me with unbelief; you see, you say, yet you don't believe.But, my dear fellow, I am not the only one like that.We are all in a muddle over there now and all through your science.Once there used to be atoms, five senses, four elements, and then everything hung together somehow.There were atoms in the ancient world even, but since we've learned that you've discovered the chemical molecule and protoplasm and the devil knows what, we had to lower our crest.There's a regular muddle, and, above all, superstition, scandal; there's as much scandal among us as among you, you know; a little more in fact, and spying, indeed, for we have our secret police department where private information is received.Well, this wild legend belongs to our middle ages- not yours, but ours- and no one believes it even among us, except the old ladies of eighteen stone, not your old ladies I mean, but ours.
We've everything you have, I am revealing one of our secrets out of friendship for you; though it's forbidden.This legend is about Paradise.There was, they say, here on earth a thinker and philosopher.He rejected everything, 'laws, conscience, faith,' and, above all, the future life.He died; he expected to go straight to darkness and death and he found a future life before him.He was astounded and indignant.'This is against my principles!' he said.And he was punished for that...that is, you must excuse me, I am just repeating what I heard myself, it's only a legend...he was sentenced to walk a quadrillion kilometres in the dark (we've adopted the metric system, you know): and when he has finished that quadrillion, the gates of heaven would be opened to him and he'll be forgiven-""And what tortures have you in the other world besides the quadrillion kilometres?" asked Ivan, with a strange eagerness.
"What tortures? Ah, don't ask.In old days we had all sorts, but now they have taken chiefly to moral punishments- 'the stings of conscience' and all that nonsense.We got that, too, from you, from the softening of your manners.And who's the better for it? Only those who have got no conscience, for how can they be tortured by conscience when they have none? But decent people who have conscience and a sense of honour suffer for it.Reforms, when the ground has not been prepared for them, especially if they are institutions copied from abroad, do nothing but mischief! The ancient fire was better.Well, this man, who was condemned to the quadrillion kilometres, stood still, looked round and lay down across the road.'I won't go, Irefuse on principle!' Take the soul of an enlightened Russian atheist and mix it with the soul of the prophet Jonah, who sulked for three days and nights in the belly of the whale, and you get the character of that thinker who lay across the road.""What did he lie on there?"
"Well, I suppose there was something to lie on.You are not laughing?""Bravo!" cried Ivan, still with the same strange eagerness.Now he was listening with an unexpected curiosity."Well, is he lying there now?""That's the point, that he isn't.He lay there almost a thousand years and then he got up and went on.""What an ass!" cried Ivan, laughing nervously and still seeming to be pondering something intently."Does it make any difference whether he lies there for ever or walks the quadrillion kilometres? It would take a billion years to walk it?""Much more than that.I haven't got a pencil and paper or Icould work it out.But he got there long ago, and that's where the story begins.""What, he got there? But how did he get the billion years to do it?""Why, you keep thinking of our present earth! But our present earth may have been repeated a billion times.Why, it's become extinct, been frozen; cracked, broken to bits, disintegrated into its elements, again 'the water above the firmament,' then again a comet, again a sun, again from the sun it becomes earth- and the same sequence may have been repeated endlessly and exactly the same to every detail, most unseemly and insufferably tedious-""Well, well, what happened when he arrived?""Why, the moment the gates of Paradise were open and he walked in;before he had been there two seconds, by his watch (though to my thinking his watch must have long dissolved into its elements on the way), he cried out that those two seconds were worth walking not a quadrillion kilometres but a quadrillion of quadrillions, raised to the quadrillionth power! In fact, he sang 'hosannah' and overdid it so, that some persons there of lofty ideas wouldn't shake hands with him at first- he'd become too rapidly reactionary, they said.The Russian temperament.I repeat, it's a legend.I give it for what it's worth, so that's the sort of ideas we have on such subjects even now.""I've caught you!" Ivan cried, with an almost childish delight, as though he had succeeded in remembering something at last."That anecdote about the quadrillion years, I made up myself! I was seventeen then, I was at the high school.I made up that anecdote and told it to a schoolfellow called Korovkin, it was at Moscow....
The anecdote is so characteristic that I couldn't have taken it from anywhere.I thought I'd forgotten it...but I've unconsciously recalled it- I recalled it myself- it was not you telling it!
Thousands of things are unconsciously remembered like that even when people are being taken to execution...it's come back to me in a dream.You are that dream! You are a dream, not a living creature!""From the vehemence with which you deny my existence," laughed the gentleman, "I am convinced that you believe in me.""Not in the slightest! I haven't a hundredth part of a grain of faith in you!""But you have the thousandth of a grain.Homeopathic doses perhaps are the strongest.Confess that you have faith even to the ten-thousandth of a grain.""Not for one minute," cried Ivan furiously."But I should like to believe in you," he added strangely.