"I tell you you are silly, Alyosha.You know nothing about it, with all your cleverness.I am not offended that he is jealous of a girl like me.I would be offended if he were not jealous.I am like that.I am not offended at jealousy.I have a fierce heart, too.I can be jealous myself.Only what offends me is that he doesn't love me at all.I tell you he is jealous now on purpose.Am I blind? Don't Isee? He began talking to me just now of that woman, of Katerina, saying she was this and that, how she had ordered a doctor from Moscow for him, to try and save him; how she had ordered the best counsel, the most learned one, too.So he loves her, if he'll praise her to my face, more shame to him! He's treated me badly himself, so he attacked me, to make out I am in fault first and to throw it all on me.'You were with your Pole before me, so I can't be blamed for Katerina,' that's what it amounts to.He wants to throw the whole blame on me.He attacked me on purpose, on purpose, I tell you, but I'll-"Grushenka could not finish saying what she would do.She hid her eyes in her handkerchief and sobbed violently.
"He doesn't love Katerina Ivanovna," said Alyosha firmly.
"Well, whether he loves her or not, I'll soon find out for myself," said Grushenka, with a menacing note in her voice, taking the handkerchief from her eyes.Her face was distorted.Alyosha saw sorrowfully that from being mild and serene, it had become sullen and spiteful.
"Enough of this foolishness," she said suddenly; "it's not for that I sent for you.Alyosha, darling, to-morrow- what will happen to-morrow? That's what worries me! And it's only me it worries! I look at everyone and no one is thinking of it.No one cares about it.Are you thinking about it even? To-morrow he'll be tried, you know.Tell me, how will he be tried? You know it's the valet, the valet killed him! Good heavens! Can they condemn him in place of the valet and will no one stand up for him? They haven't troubled the valet at all, have they?""He's been severely cross-examined," observed Alyosha thoughtfully; "but everyone came to the conclusion it was not he.
Now he is lying very ill.He has been ill ever since that attack.
Really ill," added Alyosha.
"Oh, dear! couldn't you go to that counsel yourself and tell him the whole thing by yourself? He's been brought from Petersburg for three thousand roubles, they say.""We gave these three thousand together- Ivan, Katerina Ivanovna and I- but she paid two thousand for the doctor from Moscow herself.
The counsel Fetyukovitch would have charged more, but the case has become known all over Russia; it's talked of in all the papers and journals.Fetyukovitch agreed to come more for the glory of the thing, because the case has become so notorious.I saw him yesterday.""Well? Did you talk to him?" Grushenka put in eagerly.
"He listened and said nothing.He told me that he had already formed his opinion.But he promised to give my words consideration.""Consideration! Ah, they are swindlers! They'll ruin him.And why did she send for the doctor?""As an expert.They want to prove that Mitya's mad and committed the murder when he didn't know what he was doing," Alyosha smiled gently, "but Mitya won't agree to that.""Yes; but that would be the truth if he had killed him!" cried Grushenka."He was mad then, perfectly mad, and that was my fault, wretch that I am! But, of course, he didn't do it, he didn't do it!
And they are all against him, the whole town.Even Fenya's evidence went to prove he had done it.And the people at the shop, and that official, and at the tavern, too, before, people had heard him say so!
They are all, all against him, all crying out against him.""Yes, there's a fearful accumulation of evidence," Alyosha observed grimly.
"And Grigory- Grigory Vassilyevitch- sticks to his story that the door was open, persists that he saw it- there's no shaking him.
I went and talked to him myself.He's rude about it, too.""Yes, that's perhaps the strongest evidence against him," said Alyosha.
"And as for Mitya's being mad, he certainly seems like it now,"Grushenka began with a peculiarly anxious and mysterious air."Do you know, Alyosha, I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a long time.I go to him every day and simply wonder at him.Tell me, now, what do you suppose he's always talking about? He talks and talks and I can make nothing of it.I fancied he was talking of something intellectual that I couldn't understand in my foolishness.Only he suddenly began talking to me about a babe- that is, about some child.'Why is the babe poor?' he said.'It's for that babe I am going to Siberia now.I am not a murderer, but I must go to Siberia!' What that meant, what babe, I couldn't tell for the life of me.Only Icried when he said it, because he said it so nicely.He cried himself, and I cried, too.He suddenly kissed me and made the sign of the cross over me.What did it mean, Alyosha, tell me? What is this babe?""It must be Rakitin, who's been going to see him lately," smiled Alyosha, "though...that's not Rakitin's doing.I didn't see Mitya yesterday.I'll see him to-day.""No, it's not Rakitin; it's his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch upsetting him.It's his going to see him, that's what it is,"Grushenka began, and suddenly broke off.Alyosha gazed at her in amazement.
"Ivan's going? Has he been to see him? Mitya told me himself that Ivan hasn't been once.""There...there! What a girl I am! Blurting things out!" exclaimed Grushenka, confused and suddenly blushing."Stay, Alyosha, hush! Since I've said so much I'll tell the whole truth- he's been to see him twice, the first directly he arrived.He galloped here from Moscow at once, of course, before I was taken ill; and the second time was a week ago.He told Mitya not to tell you about it, under any circumstances; and not to tell anyone, in fact.He came secretly."Alyosha sat plunged in thought, considering something.The news evidently impressed him.