书城公版The Autobiography of a Quack
19969700000007

第7章 THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A QUACK(6)

I explained to the wounded man that the cuts should be looked after at once.The matter was arranged by our leaving the 'bus, and, as the rain had let up, walking to his house.This was a large and quite luxurious dwelling on Fourth street.There I cared for his wounds, which, as I had informed him, required immediate attention.It was at this time summer, and his wife and niece, the only other members of his family, were absent.On my second visit I made believe to remove some splinters of glass which Ibrought with me.He said they showed how shamefully thin was that omnibus window-pane.To my surprise, my patient, at the end of the month,--for one wound was long in healing,--presented me with one hundred dollars.This paid my small rental, and as Mr.Poynter allowed me to refer to him, Iwas able to get a better office and bedroom on Spruce street.I saw no more of my patient until winter, although I learned that he was a stock-broker, not in the very best repute, but of a well-known family.

Meanwhile my move had been of small use.

I was wise enough, however, to keep up my connection with my former clients, and contrived to live.It was no more than that.

One day in December I was overjoyed to see Mr.Poynter enter.He was a fat man, very pale, and never, to my remembrance, without a permanent smile.He had very civil ways, and now at once I saw that he wanted something.

I hated the way that man saw through me.

He went on without hesitation, taking me for granted.He began by saying he had confidence in my judgment, and when a man says that you had better look out.He said he had a niece who lived with him, a brother's child; that she was out of health and ought not to marry, which was what she meant to do.She was scared about her health, because she had a cough, and had lost a brother of consumption.I soon came to understand that, for reasons unknown to me, my friend did not wish his niece to marry.His wife, he also informed me, was troubled as to the niece's health.Now, he said, he wished to consult me as to what he should do.Isuspected at once that he had not told me all.

I have often wondered at the skill with which I managed this rather delicate matter.

I knew I was not well enough known to be of direct use, and was also too young to have much weight.I advised him to get Professor C.

Then my friend shook his head.He said in reply, ``But suppose, doctor, he says there is nothing wrong with the girl?''

Then I began to understand him.

``Oh,'' I said, ``you get a confidential written opinion from him.You can make it what you please when you tell her.''

He said no.It would be best for me to ask the professor to see Miss Poynter; might mention my youth, and so on, as a reason.Iwas to get his opinion in writing.

``Well?'' said I.

``After that I want you to write me a joint opinion to meet the case--all the needs of the case, you see.''

I saw, but hesitated as to how much would make it worth while to pull his hot chestnuts out of the fire--one never knows how hot the chestnuts are.

Then he said, ``Ever take a chance in stocks?''

I said, ``No.''

He said that he would lend me a little money and see what he could do with it.And here was his receipt from me for one thousand dollars, and here, too, was my order to buy shares of P.T.Y.Would I please to Sign it? I did.

I was to call in two days at his house, and meantime I could think it over.It seemed to me a pretty weak plan.Suppose the young woman--well, supposing is awfully destructive of enterprise; and as for me, Ihad only to misunderstand the professor's opinion.I went to the house, and talked to Mr.Poynter about his gout.Then Mrs.Poynter came in, and began to lament her niece's declining health.After that I saw Miss Poynter.There is a kind of innocent-looking woman who knows no more of the world than a young chicken, and is choke-full of emotions.I saw it would be easy to frighten her.There are some instruments anybody can get any tune they like out of.I was very grave, and advised her to see the professor.And would I write to ask him, said Mr.Poynter.I said I would.

1

``You will clear some four hundred easy.

Write to the professor.Bring my receipt to the office next week, and we will settle.''

We settled.I tore up his receipt and gave him one for fifteen hundred dollars, and received in notes five hundred dollars.

In a day or so I had a note from the professor stating that Miss Poynter was in no peril; that she was, as he thought, worried, and had only a mild bronchial trouble.He advised me to do so-and-so, and had ventured to reassure my young patient.Now, this was a little more than I wanted.However, I wrote Mr.Poynter that the professor thought she had bronchitis, that in her case tubercle would be very apt to follow, and that at present, and until she was safe, we considered marriage undesirable.

Mr.Poynter said it might have been put stronger, but he would make it do.He made it.The first effect was an attack of hysterics.

The final result was that she eloped with her lover, because if she was to die, as she wrote her aunt, she wished to die in her husband's arms.Human nature plus hysteria will defy all knowledge of character.This was what our old professor of practice used to say.

Mr.Poynter had now to account for a large trust estate which had somehow dwindled.

Unhappily, princes are not the only people in whom you must not put your trust.

As to myself, Professor L.somehow got to know the facts, and cut me dead.It was unpleasant, but I had my five hundred dollars, and--I needed them.I do not see how I could have been more careful.

After this things got worse.Mr.Poynter broke, and did not even pay my last bill.Ihad to accept several rather doubtful cases, and once a policeman I knew advised me that I had better be on my guard.

But, really, so long as I adhered to the common code of my profession I was in danger of going without my dinner.