书城公版The Autobiography of a Quack
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第12章 THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A QUACK(11)

``Got to do something,'' said File, ``or I'll attend to your case, doc.''

1

``Well,'' said Stagers to me when we were alone, ``you get him satisfied, anyhow.He'll never let them hang him, and perhaps--well, I'm going to give him these pills when I get a chance.He asked to have them.But what's your other plan?''

Stagers knew as much about medicine as a pig knows about the opera.So I set to work to delude him, first asking if he could secure me, as a clergyman, an hour alone with File just before the execution.He said money would do it, and what was my plan?

``Well,'' said I, ``there was once a man named Dr.Chovet.He lived in London.Agentleman who turned highwayman was to be hanged.You see,'' said I, ``this was about 1760.Well, his friends bribed the jailer and the hangman.The doctor cut a hole in the man's windpipe, very low down where it could be partly hid by a loose cravat.So, as they hanged him only a little while, and the breath went in and out of the opening below the noose, he was only just insensible when his friends got him--''

``And he got well,'' cried Stagers, much pleased with my rather melodramatic tale.

``Yes,'' I said, ``he got well, and lived to take purses, all dressed in white.People had known him well, and when he robbed his great-aunt, who was not in the secret, she swore she had seen his ghost.''

Stagers said that was a fine story; guessed it would work; small town, new business, lots of money to use.In fact, the attempt thus to save a man is said to have been made, but, by ill luck, the man did not recover.It answered my purpose, but how any one, even such an ass as this fellow, could believe it could succeed puzzles me to this day.

File became enthusiastic over my scheme, and I cordially assisted his credulity.The thing was to keep the wretch quiet until the business blew up or--and I shuddered--until File, in despair, took his pill.I should in any case find it wise to leave in haste.

My friend Stagers had some absurd misgivings lest Mr.File's neck might be broken by the fall; but as to this I was able to reassure him upon the best scientific authority.

There were certain other and minor questions, as to the effect of sudden, nearly complete arrest of the supply of blood to the brain;but with these physiological refinements Ithought it needlessly cruel to distract a man in File's peculiar position.Perhaps I shall be doing injustice to my own intellect if I do not hasten to state again that I had not the remotest belief in the efficacy of my plan for any purpose except to get me out of a very uncomfortable position and give me, with time, a chance to escape.

Stagers and I were both disguised as clergy-men, and were quite freely admitted to the condemned man's cell.In fact, there was in the little town a certain trustful simplicity about all their arrangements.The day but one before the execution Stagers informed me that File had the pills, which he, Stagers, had contrived to give him.Stagers seemed pleased with our plan.I was not.He was really getting uneasy and suspicious of me--as I was soon to find out.

So far our plans, or rather mine, had worked to a marvel.Certain of File's old accomplices succeeded in bribing the hangman to shorten the time of suspension.

Arrangements were made to secure me two hours alone with the prisoner, so that nothing seemed to be wanting to this tomfool business.I had assured Stagers that Iwould not need to see File again previous to the operation; but in the forenoon of the day before that set for the execution I was seized with a feverish impatience, which luckily prompted me to visit him once more.As usual, I was admitted readily, and nearly reached his cell when I became aware, from the sound of voices heard through the grating in the door, that there was a visitor in the cell.

``Who is with him?'' I inquired of the turnkey.

``The doctor,'' he replied.

``Doctor?'' I said, pausing.``What doctor?''

``Oh, the jail doctor.I was to come back in half an hour to let him out; but he's got a quarter to stay.Shall I let you in, or will you wait?''

``No,'' I replied; ``it is hardly right to interrupt them.I will walk in the corridor for ten minutes or so, and then you can come back to let me into the cell.''

``Very good,'' he returned, and left me.

As soon as I was alone, I cautiously advanced until I stood alongside of the door, through the barred grating of which I was able readily to hear what went on within.

The first words I caught were these:

``And you tell me, doctor, that, even if a man's windpipe was open, the hanging would kill him--are you sure?''

``Yes, I believe there would be no doubt of it.I cannot see how escape would be possible.But let me ask you why you have sent for me to ask these singular questions.

You cannot have the faintest hope of escape, and least of all in such a manner as this.Iadvise you to think about the fate which is inevitable.You must, I fear, have much to reflect upon.''

``But,'' said File, ``if I wanted to try this plan of mine, couldn't some one be found to help me, say if he was to make twenty thousand or so by it? I mean a really good doctor.''

Evidently File cruelly mistrusted my skill, and meant to get some one to aid me.

``If you mean me,'' answered the doctor, ``some one cannot be found, neither for twenty nor fifty thousand dollars.Besides, if any one were wicked enough to venture on such an attempt, he would only be deceiving you with a hope which would be utterly vain.

You must be off your head.''

I understood all this with an increasing fear in my mind.I had meant to get away that night at all risks.I saw now that I must go at once.

After a pause he said: ``Well, doctor, you know a poor devil in my fix will clutch at straws.Hope I have not offended you.''

``Not in the least,'' returned the doctor.

``Shall I send you Mr.Smith?'' This was my present name; in fact, I was known as the Rev.Eliphalet Smith.

``I would like it,'' answered File; ``but as you go out, tell the warden I want to see him immediately about a matter of great importance.''