Fool That lord that counsell'd thee To give away thy land,Come place him here by me,Do thou for him stand:
The sweet and bitter fool Will presently appear;The one in motley here,The other found out there.KING LEAR Dost thou call me fool,boy?Fool All thy other titles thou hast given away;that thou wast born with.KENT This is not altogether fool,my lord.Fool No,faith,lords and great men will not let me;if I had a monopoly out,they would have part on't:and ladies too,they will not let me have all fool to myself;they'll be snatching.Give me an egg,nuncle,and I'll give thee two crowns.KING LEAR What two crowns shall they be?Fool Why,after I have cut the egg i'the middle,and eat up the meat,the two crowns of the egg.When thou clovest thy crown i'the middle,and gavest away both parts,thou borest thy ass on thy back o'er the dirt:thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown,when thou gavest thy golden one away.If I speak like myself in this,let him be whipped that first finds it so.
Singing Fools had ne'er less wit in a year;
For wise men are grown foppish,They know not how their wits to wear,Their manners are so apish.KING LEAR When were you wont to be so full of songs,sirrah?Fool I have used it,nuncle,ever since thou madest thy daughters thy mothers:for when thou gavest them the rod,and put'st down thine own breeches,Singing Then they for sudden joy did weep,And I for sorrow sung,That such a king should play bo-peep,And go the fools among.
Prithee,nuncle,keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool to lie:I would fain learn to lie.KING LEAR An you lie,sirrah,we'll have you whipped.Fool I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are:they'll have me whipped for speaking true,thou'lt have me whipped for lying;and sometimes I am whipped for holding my peace.I had rather be any kind o'thing than a fool:and yet I would not be thee,nuncle;thou hast pared thy wit o'both sides,and left nothing i'the middle:here comes one o' the parings.
Enter GONERIL KING LEAR How now,daughter!what makes that frontlet on?
Methinks you are too much of late i'the frown.Fool Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning;now thou art an O without a figure:I am better than thou art now;I am a fool,thou art nothing.
To GONERIL
Yes,forsooth,I will hold my tongue;so your face bids me,though you say nothing.Mum,mum,He that keeps nor crust nor crum,Weary of all,shall want some.
Pointing to KING LEAR
That's a shealed peascod.GONERIL Not only,sir,this your all-licensed fool,But other of your insolent retinue Do hourly carp and quarrel;breaking forth In rank and not-to-be endured riots.Sir,I had thought,by making this well known unto you,To have found a safe redress;but now grow fearful,By what yourself too late have spoke and done.
That you protect this course,and put it on By your allowance;which if you should,the fault Would not 'scape censure,nor the redresses sleep,Which,in the tender of a wholesome weal,Might in their working do you that offence,Which else were shame,that then necessity Will call discreet proceeding.Fool For,you trow,nuncle,The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long,That it's had it head bit off by it young.
So,out went the candle,and we were left darkling.KING LEAR Are you our daughter?GONERIL Come,sir,I would you would make use of that good wisdom,Whereof I know you are fraught;and put away These dispositions,that of late transform you From what you rightly are.Fool May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse?Whoop,Jug!I love thee.KING LEAR Doth any here know me?This is not Lear:
Doth Lear walk thus?speak thus?Where are his eyes?
Either his notion weakens,his discernings Are lethargied--Ha!waking?'tis not so.
Who is it that can tell me who I am?Fool Lear's shadow.KING LEAR I would learn that;for,by the marks of sovereignty,knowledge,and reason,I should be false persuaded I had daughters.Fool Which they will make an obedient father.KING LEAR Your name,fair gentlewoman?GONERIL This admiration,sir,is much o'the savour Of other your new pranks.I do beseech you To understand my purposes aright:
As you are old and reverend,you should be wise.
Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires;Men so disorder'd,so debosh'd and bold,That this our court,infected with their manners,Shows like a riotous inn:epicurism and lust Make it more like a tavern or a brothel Than a graced palace.The shame itself doth speak For instant remedy:be then desired By her,that else will take the thing she begs,A little to disquantity your train;And the remainder,that shall still depend,To be such men as may besort your age,And know themselves and you.KING LEAR Darkness and devils!
Saddle my horses;call my train together:
Degenerate bastard!I'll not trouble thee.
Yet have I left a daughter.GONERIL You strike my people;and your disorder'd rabble Make servants of their betters.
Enter ALBANY KING LEAR Woe,that too late repents,--To ALBANY
O,sir,are you come?
Is it your will?Speak,sir.Prepare my horses.
Ingratitude,thou marble-hearted fiend,More hideous when thou show'st thee in a child Than the sea-monster!ALBANY Pray,sir,be patient.KING LEAR [To GONERIL]Detested kite!thou liest.
My train are men of choice and rarest parts,That all particulars of duty know,And in the most exact regard support The worships of their name.O most small fault,How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show!