'If you love me, mother, do not let that be mentioned between us again.When I said that you did not understand her, I did not mean that she was mysterious.I think that before he died, and since his death, she learned of what sort that man was.I will not say that she hates his memory, but she hates herself for what she has done.'
'So she ought,' said Mrs Fletcher.
'She has not yet brought herself to think that her life should be anything but one long period of mourning, not for him, but for her own mistake.You may be quite sure that I am in earnest.It is not because I doubt of myself that I put it off.But I fear that if once she asserts to me her resolution to remain as she is, she will feel herself bound to keep her word.'
'I suppose she is very much the same as other women, after all, my dear,' said Mrs Fletcher, who was almost jealous of the peculiar superiority of sentiment which her son seemed to attribute to this woman.
'Circumstances, mother, make people different,' he replied.
'So you are going without having anything fixed,' his elder brother said to him the day before he started.
'Yes, old fellow.It seems to be rather slack;--doesn't it?'
'I dare say you know best what you're about.But if you have set your mind on it-'
'You may take your oath on that.'
'Then I don't see why one word shouldn't put it all right.There never is any place so good for that kind of thing as a country house.'
'I don't think that with her it will make much difference where the house is, or what the circumstances.'
'She knows what you mean as well as I do.'
'I dare say she does, John.She must have a very bad idea of me if she doesn't.But she may know what I mean and not mean the same thing herself.'
'How are you to know if you don't ask her?'
'You may be sure that I shall ask her as soon as I can hope that my doing so may give her more pleasure than pain.Remember, Ihave had all this out with her father.I have determined that Iwill wait till twelve months have passed since that wretched man perished.'
On that afternoon before dinner he was alone with her in the library some minutes before they went up to dress for dinner.'Ishall hardly see you to-morrow,' he said, 'as I must leave this at half-past eight.I breakfast at eight.I don't suppose anyone will be down except my mother.'
'I am generally as early as that.I will come down and see you start.'
'I am so glad that you have been here, Emily.'
'So am I.Everybody has been so good to me.'
'It has been like old days,--almost.'
'It will never quite be like old days again, I think.But I have been very glad to be here;--and at Wharton.I sometimes almost wish that I were never going back to London again,--only for papa.'
'I like London myself.'
'You! Yes, of course you like London.You have everything in life before you.You have things to do, and much to hope for.
It is all beginning for you, Arthur.'
'I am five years older than you are.'
'What does that matter? It seems to me that age does not go by years.It is long since I have felt myself to be an old woman.
But you are quite young.Everybody is proud of you, and you ought to be happy.'
'I don't know,' said he, 'it is hard to say what makes a person happy.' He almost made up his mind to speak to her then; but he had made up his mind before to put it off still for a little time, and he would not allow himself to be changed on the spur of the moment.He had thought of it much, and he had almost taught himself to think that it would be better for herself that she should not accept another man's love so soon.'I shall come and see you in town,' he said.