'Make yourself easy,' said the Carrier.'He went into that roomlast night, without harm in word or deed from me, and no one hasentered it since.He is away of his own free will.I'd go outgladly at that door, and beg my bread from house to house, forlife, if I could so change the past that he had never come.But hehas come and gone.And I have done with him!'
'Oh! - Well, I think he has got off pretty easy,' said Tackleton,taking a chair.
The sneer was lost upon the Carrier, who sat down too, and shadedhis face with his hand, for some little time, before proceeding.
'You showed me last night,' he said at length, 'my wife; my wifethat I love; secretly - '
'And tenderly,' insinuated Tackleton.
'Conniving at that man's disguise, and giving him opportunities ofmeeting her alone.I think there's no sight I wouldn't have ratherseen than that.I think there's no man in the world I wouldn'thave rather had to show it me.'
'I confess to having had my suspicions always,' said Tackleton.
'And that has made me objectionable here, I know.'
'But as you did show it me,' pursued the Carrier, not minding him;'and as you saw her, my wife, my wife that I love' - his voice, andeye, and hand, grew steadier and firmer as he repeated these words:
evidently in pursuance of a steadfast purpose - 'as you saw her atthis disadvantage, it is right and just that you should also seewith my eyes, and look into my breast, and know what my mind is,upon the subject.For it's settled,' said the Carrier, regardinghim attentively.'And nothing can shake it now.'
Tackleton muttered a few general words of assent, about its beingnecessary to vindicate something or other; but he was overawed bythe manner of his companion.Plain and unpolished as it was, ithad a something dignified and noble in it, which nothing but thesoul of generous honour dwelling in the man could have imparted.
'I am a plain, rough man,' pursued the Carrier, 'with very littleto recommend me.I am not a clever man, as you very well know.Iam not a young man.I loved my little Dot, because I had seen hergrow up, from a child, in her father's house; because I knew howprecious she was; because she had been my life, for years andyears.There's many men I can't compare with, who never could haveloved my little Dot like me, I think!'
He paused, and softly beat the ground a short time with his foot,before resuming.
'I often thought that though I wasn't good enough for her, I shouldmake her a kind husband, and perhaps know her value better thananother; and in this way I reconciled it to myself, and came tothink it might be possible that we should be married.And in theend it came about, and we were married.'
'Hah!' said Tackleton, with a significant shake of the head.
'I had studied myself; I had had experience of myself; I knew howmuch I loved her, and how happy I should be,' pursued the Carrier.
'But I had not - I feel it now - sufficiently considered her.'
'To be sure,' said Tackleton.'Giddiness, frivolity, fickleness,love of admiration! Not considered! All left out of sight! Hah!'
'You had best not interrupt me,' said the Carrier, with somesternness, 'till you understand me; and you're wide of doing so.
If, yesterday, I'd have struck that man down at a blow, who daredto breathe a word against her, to-day I'd set my foot upon hisface, if he was my brother!'
The Toy-merchant gazed at him in astonishment.He went on in asofter tone:
'Did I consider,' said the Carrier, 'that I took her - at her age,and with her beauty - from her young companions, and the manyscenes of which she was the ornament; in which she was thebrightest little star that ever shone, to shut her up from day today in my dull house, and keep my tedious company? Did I considerhow little suited I was to her sprightly humour, and how wearisomea plodding man like me must be, to one of her quick spirit? Did Iconsider that it was no merit in me, or claim in me, that I lovedher, when everybody must, who knew her? Never.I took advantageof her hopeful nature and her cheerful disposition; and I marriedher.I wish I never had! For her sake; not for mine!'
The Toy-merchant gazed at him, without winking.Even the half-shuteye was open now.
'Heaven bless her!' said the Carrier, 'for the cheerful constancywith which she tried to keep the knowledge of this from me! AndHeaven help me, that, in my slow mind, I have not found it outbefore! Poor child! Poor Dot! I not to find it out, who haveseen her eyes fill with tears, when such a marriage as our own wasspoken of! I, who have seen the secret trembling on her lips ahundred times, and never suspected it till last night! Poor girl!
That I could ever hope she would be fond of me! That I could everbelieve she was!'
'She made a show of it,' said Tackleton.'She made such a show ofit, that to tell you the truth it was the origin of my misgivings.'
And here he asserted the superiority of May Fielding, who certainlymade no sort of show of being fond of HIM.
'She has tried,' said the poor Carrier, with greater emotion thanhe had exhibited yet; 'I only now begin to know how hard she hastried, to be my dutiful and zealous wife.How good she has been;how much she has done; how brave and strong a heart she has; letthe happiness I have known under this roof bear witness! It willbe some help and comfort to me, when I am here alone.'
'Here alone?' said Tackleton.'Oh! Then you do mean to take somenotice of this?'
'I mean,' returned the Carrier, 'to do her the greatest kindness,and make her the best reparation, in my power.I can release herfrom the daily pain of an unequal marriage, and the struggle toconceal it.She shall be as free as I can render her.'
'Make HER reparation!' exclaimed Tackleton, twisting and turninghis great ears with his hands.'There must be something wronghere.You didn't say that, of course.'
The Carrier set his grip upon the collar of the Toy-merchant, andshook him like a reed.
'Listen to me!' he said.'And take care that you hear me right.
Listen to me.Do I speak plainly?'
'Very plainly indeed,' answered Tackleton.
'As if I meant it?'