Flitting T HAT EVENING Ursula returned home very bright-eyed and wondrous -- which irritated her people.Her father came home at suppertime, tired after the evening class, and the long journey home.Gudrun was reading, the mother sat in silence.
Suddenly Ursula said to the company at large, in a bright voice, `Rupert and I are going to be married tomorrow.'
Her father turned round, stiffly.
`You what?' he said.
`Tomorrow!' echoed Gudrun.
`Indeed!' said the mother.
But Ursula only smiled wonderfully, and did not reply.
`Married tomorrow!' cried her father harshly.`What are you talking about.'
`Yes,' said Ursula.`Why not?' Those two words, from her, always drove him mad.`Everything is all right -- we shall go to the registrar's office--'
There was a second's hush in the room, after Ursula's blithe vagueness.
` Really , Ursula!' said Gudrun.
`Might we ask why there has been all this secrecy?' demanded the mother, rather superbly.
`But there hasn't,' said Ursula.`You knew.'
`Who knew?' now cried the father.`Who knew? What do you mean by your "you knew"?'
He was in one of his stupid rages, she instantly closed against him.
`Of course you knew,' she said coolly.`You knew we were going to get married.'
There was a dangerous pause.
`We knew you were going to get married, did we? Knew! Why, does anybody know anything about you, you shifty bitch!'
`Father!' cried Gudrun, flushing deep in violent remonstrance.Then, in a cold, but gentle voice, as if to remind her sister to be tractable:
`But isn't it a fearfully sudden decision, Ursula?' she asked.
`No, not really,' replied Ursula, with the same maddening cheerfulness.
`He's been wanting me to agree for weeks -- he's had the licence ready.Only I -- I wasn't ready in myself.Now I am ready -- is there anything to be disagreeable about?'
`Certainly not,' said Gudrun, but in a tone of cold reproof.`You are perfectly free to do as you like.'
`"Ready in yourself" -- yourself , that's all that matters, isn't it! "I wasn't ready in myself,"' he mimicked her phrase offensively.`You and yourself , you're of some importance, aren't you?'
She drew herself up and set back her throat, her eyes shining yellow and dangerous.
`I am to myself,' she said, wounded and mortified.`I know I am not to anybody else.You only wanted to bully me -- you never cared for my happiness.'
He was leaning forward watching her, his face intense like a spark.
`Ursula, what are you saying? Keep your tongue still,' cried her mother.
Ursula swung round, and the lights in her eyes flashed.
`No, I won't,' she cried.`I won't hold my tongue and be bullied.What does it matter which day I get married -- what does it matter ! It doesn't affect anybody but myself.'
Her father was tense and gathered together like a cat about to spring.
`Doesn't it?' he cried, coming nearer to her.She shrank away.
`No, how can it?' she replied, shrinking but stubborn.
`It doesn't matter to me then, what you do -- what becomes of you?' he cried, in a strange voice like a cry.
The mother and Gudrun stood back as if hypnotised.
`No,' stammered Ursula.Her father was very near to her.`You only want to--'
She knew it was dangerous, and she stopped.He was gathered together, every muscle ready.
`What?' he challenged.
`Bully me,' she muttered, and even as her lips were moving, his hand had caught her smack at the side of the face and she was sent up against the door.
`Father!' cried Gudrun in a high voice, `it is impossible!'
He stood unmoving.Ursula recovered, her hand was on the door handle.
She slowly drew herself up.He seemed doubtful now.
`It's true,' she declared, with brilliant tears in her eyes, her head lifted up in defiance.`What has your love meant, what did it ever mean?
-- bullying, and denial--it did--'
He was advancing again with strange, tense movements, and clenched fist, and the face of a murderer.But swift as lightning she had flashed out of the door, and they heard her running upstairs.
He stood for a moment looking at the door.Then, like a defeated animal, he turned and went back to his seat by the fire.
Gudrun was very white.Out of the intense silence, the mother's voice was heard saying, cold and angry:
`Well, you shouldn't take so much notice of her.'
Again the silence fell, each followed a separate set of emotions and thoughts.
Suddenly the door opened again: Ursula, dressed in hat and furs, with a small valise in her hand:
`Good-bye!' she said, in her maddening, bright, almost mocking tone.
`I'm going.'
And in the next instant the door was closed, they heard the outer door, then her quick steps down the garden path, then the gate banged, and her light footfall was gone.There was a silence like death in the house.
Ursula went straight to the station, hastening heedlessly on winged feet.There was no train, she must walk on to the junction.As she went through the darkness, she began to cry, and she wept bitterly, with a dumb, heart-broken, child's anguish, all the way on the road, and in the train.
Time passed unheeded and unknown, she did not know where she was, nor what was taking place.Only she wept from fathomless depths of hopeless, hopeless grief, the terrible grief of a child, that knows no extenuation.
Yet her voice had the same defensive brightness as she spoke to Birkin's landlady at the door.
`Good evening! Is Mr Birkin in? Can I see him?'
`Yes, he's in.He's in his study.'
Ursula slipped past the woman.His door opened.He had heard her voice.
`Hello!' he exclaimed in surprise, seeing her standing there with the valise in her hand, and marks of tears on her face.She was one who wept without showing many traces, like a child.
`Do I look a sight?' she said, shrinking.
`No -- why? Come in,' he took the bag from her hand and they went into the study.
There -- immediately, her lips began to tremble like those of a child that remembers again, and the tears came rushing up.
`What's the matter?' he asked, taking her in his arms.She sobbed violently on his shoulder, whilst he held her still, waiting.