书城公版WOMEN IN LOVE
19901600000130

第130章

Gerald nodded.Then he went on to his mother's room.

She was sitting in her purple gown, sewing, very slowly sewing, putting in a stitch then another stitch.She looked up at Gerald with her blue undaunted eyes.

`Father's gone,' he said.

`He's dead? Who says so?'

`Oh, you know, mother, if you see him.'

She put her sewing down, and slowly rose.

`Are you going to see him?' he asked.

`Yes,' she said By the bedside the children already stood in a weeping group.

`Oh, mother!' cried the daughters, almost in hysterics, weeping loudly.

But the mother went forward.The dead man lay in repose, as if gently asleep, so gently, so peacefully, like a young man sleeping in purity.

He was still warm.She stood looking at him in gloomy, heavy silence, for some time.

`Ay,' she said bitterly, at length, speaking as if to the unseen witnesses of the air.`You're dead.' She stood for some minutes in silence, looking down.`Beautiful,' she asserted, `beautiful as if life had never touched you -- never touched you.God send I look different.I hope I shall look my years, when I am dead.Beautiful, beautiful,' she crooned over him.

`You can see him in his teens, with his first beard on his face.A beautiful soul, beautiful --' Then there was a tearing in her voice as she cried:

`None of you look like this, when you are dead! Don't let it happen again.'

It was a strange, wild command from out of the unknown.Her children moved unconsciously together, in a nearer group, at the dreadful command in her voice.The colour was flushed bright in her cheek, she looked awful and wonderful.`Blame me, blame me if you like, that he lies there like a lad in his teens, with his first beard on his face.Blame me if you like.But you none of you know.' She was silent in intense silence.

Then there came, in a low, tense voice: `If I thought that the children I bore would lie looking like that in death, I'd strangle them when they were infants, yes --'

`No, mother,' came the strange, clarion voice of Gerald from the background, `we are different, we don't blame you.'

She turned and looked full in his eyes.Then she lifted her hands in a strange half-gesture of mad despair.

`Pray!' she said strongly.`Pray for yourselves to God, for there's no help for you from your parents.'

`Oh mother!' cried her daughters wildly.

But she had turned and gone, and they all went quickly away from each other.

When Gudrun heard that Mr Crich was dead, she felt rebuked.She had stayed away lest Gerald should think her too easy of winning.And now, he was in the midst of trouble, whilst she was cold.

The following day she went up as usual to Winifred, who was glad to see her, glad to get away into the studio.The girl had wept, and then, too frightened, had turned aside to avoid any more tragic eventuality.

She and Gudrun resumed work as usual, in the isolation of the studio, and this seemed an immeasurable happiness, a pure world of freedom, after the aimlessness and misery of the house.Gudrun stayed on till evening.She and Winifred had dinner brought up to the studio, where they ate in freedom, away from all the people in the house.

After dinner Gerald came up.The great high studio was full of shadow and a fragrance of coffee.Gudrun and Winifred had a little table near the fire at the far end, with a white lamp whose light did not travel far.

They were a tiny world to themselves, the two girls surrounded by lovely shadows, the beams and rafters shadowy over-head, the benches and implements shadowy down the studio.

`You are cosy enough here,' said Gerald, going up to them.

There was a low brick fireplace, full of fire, an old blue Turkish rug, the little oak table with the lamp and the white-and-blue cloth and the dessert, and Gudrun making coffee in an odd brass coffee-maker, and Winifred scalding a little milk in a tiny saucepan.

`Have you had coffee?' said Gudrun.

`I have, but I'll have some more with you,' he replied.

`Then you must have it in a glass -- there are only two cups,' said Winifred.

`It is the same to me,' he said, taking a chair and coming into the charmed circle of the girls.How happy they were, how cosy and glamorous it was with them, in a world of lofty shadows! The outside world, in which he had been transacting funeral business all the day was completely wiped out.In an instant he snuffed glamour and magic.

They had all their things very dainty, two odd and lovely little cups, scarlet and solid gilt, and a little black jug with scarlet discs, and the curious coffee-machine, whose spirit-flame flowed steadily, almost invisibly.There was the effect of rather sinister richness, in which Gerald at once escaped himself.

They all sat down, and Gudrun carefully poured out the coffee.

`Will you have milk?' she asked calmly, yet nervously poising the little black jug with its big red dots.She was always so completely controlled, yet so bitterly nervous.

`No, I won't,' he replied.

So, with a curious humility, she placed him the little cup of coffee, and herself took the awkward tumbler.She seemed to want to serve him.

`Why don't you give me the glass -- it is so clumsy for you,' he said.

He would much rather have had it, and seen her daintily served.But she was silent, pleased with the disparity, with her self-abasement.

`You are quite en menage, ' he said.

`Yes.We aren't really at home to visitors,' said Winifred.

`You're not? Then I'm an intruder?'

For once he felt his conventional dress was out of place, he was an outsider.

Gudrun was very quiet.She did not feel drawn to talk to him.At this stage, silence was best -- or mere light words.It was best to leave serious things aside.So they talked gaily and lightly, till they heard the man below lead out the horse, and call it to `back-back!' into the dog-cart that was to take Gudrun home.So she put on her things, and shook hands with Gerald, without once meeting his eyes.And she was gone.

The funeral was detestable.Afterwards, at the tea-table, the daughters kept saying -- `He was a good father to us -- the best father in the world'